With eyes of a child
by Mad-Murder
Summary: Izaya's life is perfect, or is it? What if person from the past comes, and leaves Izaya depressed, and lost. Can Shizuo help him to survive? Pairing: Shizuo x Izaya , warnings: abuse, possibly rape, cutting, suicidal thougs. My english isn't the best..try to stand it :'D
1. chapter 1

Just few words before you can start reading; the parts where is _text like this_ it's Izaya thinking about his past, and +

_'parts like this', _ those are peopols thoughs!

**With the eyes of the child**

_Lilttle raven haired boy walked happily to the living room,with a piece of paper in his arms ,''Dad! Look what I did at sch-''._

_''Not now Izaya! '', His father snapped. _

_There was a sound of a door, Izaya's mother came home. _

_Izaya ranned to her immidiently. _

_''Heyy Mommy'', raven said and hugged her. _

_''Not now Izaya'', Izaya's mother muttered, and pushed his son away. _

_''Go to your room'', His dad ordered, and when Izaya finally reached his room door; the shouting started. _

_''BITCH WHERE WERE YOU AGAIN?!WITH ANOTHER MAN?'', the sound of his father yelling reached to his room well. _

_''Well somebody needs to work! '', His mothers argued. _

_''well, if had made the abortion, maybe we wouldn't have the problem, the accident you made is your burder''._

_At this part Izaya went to his bed, and held his palms against his ears, to cover their arguing. tears run down his white skin. _

_There was the paper lying on the floor. Izaya's drawing of his family._

* * *

Raven haired young man, was sitting on his office, tapping pen against the table in rythm. The voice of the tap echoed in the empty apperment.

Namine had already left from work, Izaya had send her home. He was feeling kinda lazy today.

He got suddenly from the chair, took his jacket and left from his apparment.

Raven walked down the streets, with out a destination. But kinda from habit he ended up to Ikebukuro, where the certain 'beast' lived.

He was walking normally, when suddenly he stoped.

''D-dad?'', Izaya stuttered taking few steps back.

There was a old man, with classes, standing few meters of Izaya.

''Hello Izaya'', man said and smirked. ''Still scared of me?''.

''G-go to hell!'', Izaya snapped, he squeezed the hem of his jacket. Trying to get some comfort of it. He felt his hands starting to trembler.

''You telling me to go hell? You? the demon child, who killed his own mother? ahahahha'', the man laughed.

''I-i didn't kill her!I didn't !'', Izaya said shutted his eyes, trying to block the memories of his childhood.

_''Mom?'', Izaya asked from the darkness. He turned the light on, and first thing he saw was his mother hanging on the seiling. Dead. _

''No ..no...'', Izaya muttered, he backed off, turned around and started to run as fast as he could. He ran down the crowded street.

_''Izaya...why did you kill your mom?'', old man with black hair asked. _

_''It's wasn't my fault, I swear! '', Izaya said through the tears._

_''It was, you made her do it, you, the demon child..''_

Izaya ran and ran, before he saw a alley, he sprinted there, and collapsed to the ground.

He slowly raised his trembling hands to his ears, to cover the noices .

_''You were a horrible accident...''_

''no..stop'', Izaya muttered pleading. Tears puring from his dark red eyes.

* * *

Suddenly there was sound of footsteps behind him.

''Izaya?'', Shizuo asked carefully, he wasn't sure if the person was Izaya. Izaya didn't answer anything, he tried to wipe the tears away.

Shizuo walked closer, making Izaya flinch.

''Answer me you damn flea!'', Shizuo turned Izaya to look at him.

Shizuo stared at Izaya in horror.

'_His crying? Great Izaya Orihara crying?'_, Shizuo though, and let go of Izaya.

''Get up'', Shizuo demanded. Izaya didn't move at all. Blond could see that Izaya was sligthly trembling.

''what's wrong?'', he tried again, ''Why are you crying?''.

There was no reaction.

Izaya's eyes were completly blank, tears still streaming down his face; with out them he would have looked dead.

Shizuo sighed heavily. '_Why am I doing this?' _, he though and took Izaya to his arms.

Izaya didn't say a word he just leaned against Shizuo chest, slowly falling a sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

''There isn't anything wrong with him; fysically'', Shinra sighed. He looked dull Izaya who was now at lying at the bed.

''But, why is he like that? '', Shizuo said and pointed at raven.

''I don't know; Maybe something bring back some old traumas or something and he had a breakdown'', Shinra said and walked off the room.

Shizuo was following until he heard Izaya's small voice from the bed.

''..don't leave alone'', Shizuo barely heard it, but he had still heard it.

''Izaya?'', shizuo said with asking voice.

''..I m scared...what if he comes back?'', Izaya said with small voice.

''who?'', the question slipped from blonds mouth before he could stop it.

''D-dad'', Izaya muttered and looked to the ground.

''I guard you door, I promise'', Shizuo said and closed the door. He went to the living room, where Shinra was sitting .

* * *

''He talked'', Shizuo said and sat down.

''What did he say?'', Shinra asked intrested.

''He said his scared that his dad would come '', Shizuo expalined.

''did he say anything else about his father?'' ,Shinra said suddenly concerned.

''_What if he comes back?_ That what he said'', shizuo muttered.

''Oh god..'' Shinra muttered under his breath and got up. He started to walk around the room. ''Shit, shit sjhit..'' He cursed. Blond had never heard Shinra curse.

''What?'', blond asked curious. What could be so bad?

''His dad is back from jail...'', doctor said and hurried to Izaya's room.

'_His dad was at jail?' , _Shizuo though and followed Shinra.

* * *

Shizuo couldn't believe his eyes when he entered to the room.

There was some blood at the floor, the blood trail led to the corner of the room. Where Shinra was now, kneeling over Izaya, who was now looking hysterical.

Shizuo stared at horror. 'Had Izaya cut his wrists?'.

''Shh, Izaya he won't come here'', Shinra said and hugged his friend.

''b-but...h-he promised to kill me when he get's out..h-he is ou-'', raven said with trembling voice, before the sobs took hold of him.

''it's easier if...i-if I die now..'', Izaya said between the sobs.

''don't say that!'',blond argued suddenly. Raven looked at him with wide eyes.

''we won't anything bad to happen you, I promise'', Shinra said and stroked ravens back gently.

''let me patch you now'', Shinra said smiling abit.

''o-okay'', Izaya said and got up from the ground. He looked like a lost child right now.

After they got Izaya to sleep, they headed back to the livingroom.

* * *

At the same moment Celty came back.

''Hey Shinra and Shizuo'', She typed quickly.

''Hey Celty'', Shinra said and pulled a tired smile.

''What's wrong? '', She typed quickly after seeing that the doctor was exhausted.

''Izaya's father is back'', doctor said as it explained everything.

''...How is Izaya?'', She asked and sat besides the doctor.

''His...his little depressed..his sleeping now'', doctor explained tiredly.

''what did his father even do to him?'', Shizuo asked.

''I can only say that he did some bad things to Izaya'', Shinra said and got up from the couch. ''I think it's time to go sleep, g'night''.

''Night'', Shizuo said and laid to the sofa.


	3. Chapter 3

Shizuo woke up at morning to voice of door opening.

He immediately got up and saw Izaya walking across the room to the toilet.

''Morning'', he heard Izaya small voice. Izaya didn't even turn to look at him.

After a moment Izaya came back and sat to the other side of the living room.

Still he didn't look at Shizuo, he just stared to the ground.

Shizuo looked at Izaya's wrists, both were covered in bandages. Izaya scratched bandages a bit.

''Izaya...h-how are you?'', Shizuo asked. It felt strange to talk with 'flea' normally.

''...mm ok'', Izaya muttered, he didn't still look at Shizuo.

''..why did you help me...?'', raven asked silently, starting to scratch bandages again.

''Because, You are a human, and even you need help sometimes'', Shizuo explained blushing a bit.

''..I m a human?'', Raven wishpered. Now he raised his head to see Shizuo.

''Yes'', Shizuo answered simply.

Izaya lowered his head again, there was some blood forming to the white bandage.

Shizuo hurried to Izaya's side. ''Don't scratch it'', he said and took hold of Izaya's arm.

'' I m pathetic...'', Izaya muttered and got up, and headed back to his room.

* * *

_Izaya laid at his bed, when his mother came in. _

_''Hei Iza-chan'', his mother said smiling._

_''Why is dad always so mad?'', Izaya asked with small voice._

_''It's just...it's my fault'', His mother said and petted Izaya's hair. _

_''It can't be your fault..'', Izaya muttered. _

_''Why?'', she asked and looked at Izaya. _

_''Because mom is a angel'', Izaya said smiling sweetly. _

_''Then you must be one too'', she said smiling. _

_''No, I m a demon'', Izaya said smiling sadly._

* * *

Izaya sat on his bed. He looked around the room.

He saw a mirror at the wall. He saw his reflection.

His darks reddish eyes looking back to him.

''Yeah, I m demon ..'', He muttered and fell to his back.

* * *

_''IZAYA! '', His dad shouted when his son came home._

_''W-what dad?'', Izaya asked nervously. _

_''What did you do this time? Huh? '', His father said , pushing raven against the wall. _

_Izaya smelled the reek of the alcohol from his father. _

_''N-nothing? ouch..'', Izaya tried to get of the hold of his dad hands. _

_''Nothing? '', His dad Slapped him across the face. _

_''Demon! It always your fault, '', His dad said taking good hold of Izaya throat. _

_''no...I haven't done anything...'', Izaya was starting struggle to breath. _

_''SHIROU!'', it was sound his mothers voice. _

_''Huh?'', His dad turned around and saw his wife standing top of the stairs. _

_''Stop that'', She said calmly. _

_At the same moment Izaya was dropped to the ground, he inhaled slowly._

* * *

''Izaya'', Shizuo said softly.

''What...?'', Izaya said evenly. Shizuo walked to the bed, and sat.

''Does it hurt?'', Shizuo asked calmly.

''what? You mean these? No'', raven said and pointed with his rigth hand to his left wrist.

''No. Here'', Blond said and pointed to Izaya's heart.

Izaya blushed.

''What the hell are you trying to pull?! You hate me, what do you care!'', Izaya said and sat up.

His eyes widened. Shizuo had same expression on his face, as her mother had at her last day.

Tears dropped from Izaya's eyes.

* * *

_''Izaya, I m going back to heaven today'', His mother said softly. She had bruises over her face, and she was limping slightly. They had a figth with Izaya's dad last nigth. _

_''B-but I don't want to be alone'', Izaya said huggin her legs. _

_''Izaya'', she said and IZaya looked at her. _

_Her expression was kind and soft. _

_''You won't be alone ever'', She said and hugged her son last time. _

_''No matter what, Don't follow me, until the time is up'', She said, and pulled Izaya away._

_''I can't ever follow you, demons don't belong to heaven'', Izaya said sadly. _

_''You are my angel'', her mother said, and went to her room, and locked the door. _

_Izaya felt helpless._

* * *

Shizuo pulled Izaya to a hug. ''Shhh, it allright''.

''I didn't kill her...I didn't...I'', Izaya broke down to a another sob.

''I belive you'', Shizuo said and petted the raven hair.

_Izaya was waiting behind his mothers door. It was getting dark outside, and his father hadn't come home yet. _

_Izaya got up from the ground, he tried to pen the door, put it was locked. He had heard loud thud voice few hour earlier. _

_He remembered that they had spare key to all rooms. He ran to get it ._

_He opened the door, the room was dark. _

_But Ligth from the hall entered the room. _

_Izaya saw his mother hang at the seiling; dead._

* * *

''mm..Shizuo..I don't hate you'', Izaya muttered, when the sobs had ended.

Shizuo blushed slightly.

''well, I don't hate you either stupid flea'', blond muttered.

''aw, thanks shizu-chan'', Flea muttered, slight blush covering his face.


	4. Chapter 4

After few days of the incident, Izaya walked to the living room, with his stuff.

''It's time to leave'', Izaya said smiling to Shinra.

''But, are you going to be okay?'', Shinra asked worried.

''Of course, I m gonna be just fine'', Izaya said smiling, trying to convice brunette.

''I go with you'', blond said behind Izaya.

Izaya jumped slightly.

''You startled me..'', Izaya muttered.

''And no'', Izaya answered, and took his things, and walked towards to the door.

''I will, and you can't stop me'', Blond said determined.

''I said no'', Izaya snapped.

''Like I would listen you'', Shizuo said still determined.

''See ya later Shinra'', they both at same time.

''Don't copy me, Shizu-CHAN '', Izaya said evily.

''Flea shut up, you copied me! '' , blond muttered and shutted the door.

Shinra and Celty were left to silent.

''They seem like a old couple'', Shinra said smiling.

* * *

Izaya and Shizuo walked down the street, side by side.

Some peopol stared at them longer, people were used to that they were always figthing.

But now; walking side by side? Scandal.

''nee, Shizuo, why do you even bother?'', raven asked after a while.

''I..I have my reasons!'', Shizuo said and turned to look away.

''Shizuo-chan, got something to hide?'', raven asked and leaned against Shizuo.

''No, I just want to make sure your safe'', blond muttered.

''I appreciate your idea, but I don't need protection, I m fine'', Izaya smiled.

''I don't want my enemy taken away from me'', Blond said and looked to ravens crimson eyes. Izaya blushed, and it was his turn to look away.

''What ever!'', he muttered blushing.

* * *

'' We should go eat something'', Shizuo says suddenly.

''...What ever'', Raven mutters back.

''Let's go to russian sushi'', Blods desided, and pushed Izaya to the rigth way.

''well, It's been long time since I've been there'', Izaya muttered.

* * *

''Hey Simon'', Izaya said smirking.

Simon looked at Izaya, and then at Shizuo.

''I'd like to have ootoro'', said, and ran to some table.

''You two came to eat. Together?'', Simon asked confused.

''yeah, I will take the same'', Shizuo said, and took his wallet.

''Okay, it's nice that you two are in terms'', russian man said smirking bit.

''yeah, it is nice'', Shizuo said and gave the money .

After that, Shizuo walked to Izaya, and sat on the other side of the table.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N I m really sorry to uptade so late, please forgive me.\ Ó A Ò''/**

Chapter 5.

While Izaya an Shizuo were waiting for they order, they silently looked out of the window.

''Izaya, why are you so scared of you father?'', Shizuo suddenly blurted.

Blond mentally hit himself, when he saw raven tense up.

''..I don't want to talk about it, especially to you'', Izaya said and turned to look at the blond.

''What do you mean especially to M E ? huh, I saved you!'', Shizuo said ,he was slightly getting furious on Izaya.

'Why can't he just tell me, oh well..We haven't been exact friends..but we are now? ', blond though, he turned to look at Izaya.

Izaya started to speak silently: ''T-there wasn't anything to be save-''

But he couldn't finish the sentence, because the russian man had already come to bring their orders.

''приятного аппетита;Enjoy your meal'', Simon said and smiled.

After the man had left, Shiozuo tried the converstation again, but Izaya desided to ignore the blond as well as he could.

Shizuo sighed at raven's stubborness, and desisded to start eating.

After the first moutful, he looked amazed.

''Wow, it is good '', blond mused happily.

''you have never eaten ootoro before?!'', Izaya said in utter shock .

''don't be so shocked, I hated the food before, you ate it at highschool and you know everything you did at highschool irritated me'', Blond explained.

''So you just hated food, because I ate it?'', Izaya said amused as he smirked at the blond.

''..we should just eat'', Blond said turning to look at his food. When he noticed that Izaya was still smirking at him, he felt heat at his cheeks. But after a while, raven also desided to eat, Instead of irritate the other more.

''That was a good meal'', Izaya said smirking after they left the restaurant.

''Next time you will pay'', Blond muttered , but he was slightly happy. He had good time with the raven, even if raven annoyed him sometimes.

''soo, there will be next time?'', Izaya smiled cheekily.

''Well...I kinda promised I'd kepp you safe'', Blond muttered feeling irritaded and embarassed at the same time.

Izaya fell silent, he had been at such a good mood, that he had forgotten why Shizuo was with him.

'His pitying me', small voice at Izaya's mind mocked.

''You don't need to do that, really'', raven muttered. He hated when people pitied him.

''I..I want to'', Shizuo said after a while of thinking.

''yeah right, and Simon is japanese'', raven muttered sarcastically.

''I know We started badly-'', blond started, but he was cut off by Izaya.

''You started badly, I really wanted to be friends with you'', Izaya said with serious tone.

''Are you saying that you did nothing bad to me? All those gangs were after me!'', Shizuo said angrily.

''Well of course ,what goes around, comes around'', Izaya said and waved his hands at the air.

''...we were both wrong, but it's in the past'', Blond said ending the argument.

They didn't talk at all end of the way to Izaya's apparment.


	6. Chapter 6

'Well this was fun till it lasted'', Izaya said, when they had reached his apparaments door.

''I m gonna come in'', Shizuo said determined and moved raven aside, he took the keyes from Izaya's jacket, and opened the door.

Shizuo walked in watching around.

''phew'', he whistled.

''What?'', Izaya said annoyed, and closed the door.

''your apparment is cool''he said and continuet,''I though it would be like over gaudy'',Shizuo said and sat down to the black letther sofa.''Well you were wrong!'', Izaya muttered blushing.

Raven walked to his worktable, and opened his computer.

''Allready back to work?'', Shizuo asked sighing,

''Well, I have to earn something to pay off rents'', Izaya muttered, annoyed at blonds stupidy.

''Why aren't you at work?'', Izaya asked sharply, turning with his roll chair to face Shizuo.

''I have few day's free'', Shizuo said shrugging.

''So why don't you go home?!'', Izaya said angrily.

''Well...I ...kinda homeless right now'', Shizuo said blushing slightly in embrasment.

''...so that's why you followed me'', Izaya said and turned to face his computer.

'_So that's how it is...I though he really was worried about me', _Izaya though, and clicked some emails to the bin.

''No! I really..care..of you..E-enemy!'', blond explained.

''And also I have been living with my little brother, so I didn't come here to freeloader''.

Izaya smiled to himself. ''Okay, you can stay''.

''BUT! you have to follow the rules!'', raven continued, not giving the blond chance to speak out.

''ONE! you don't intterrup my work! Even if I was in danger!'', raven demanded.

''bu-''

''TWO! You don't have a rigth to read/touch my personal stuff!''

And tree, you can't break anything in here!'', Izaya looked sternly at the blond who was looking annoyed.

''If you want me to follow these rules, you have to answer one question per day'', Shizuo said and stared to the crimson eyes. Izaya felt something bottle up inside him.

''Why should I do what you want me to do?!This is my home!'', Izaya snapped.

''Because, even if I break some of the rules, you can't get me out of here'', blond said smirking. Izaya looked puzzled, but pulled himself together.

_'..What if he asked something about my past? or I can't let him break my things, and interfere my work...'', he though helplessy. _

_''_Okay'', Izaya said, and smirked. ''What is todays question?''. He felt really scared of the question. He saw how hard blond was wroking on the question.

''Are you lonely?'', Shizuo asked, Izaya was surprised. ''And be honest''.

''Why do you need to know that?!'', raven growled.

''Just answer the question'', blond muttered blushing slightly.

Izaya felt blush run to his cheeks as he answered, ''yes, sometimes''.

''well I kinda expected that'', Shizuo said and turned to look at the tv.

''Well thanks alot'', Izaya muttered, and turned to continue his work.

''The way you act around people, you seem really different now when we are alone, around others you tense up easily'', Shizuo explained.

''I can almost say that you are _really_ nice'', Shizuo grinned, and continuet to watch the tv.

''hmp'', Izaya murmured, and started to work.

'_**you**__ are too nice..', Izaya though desperatly. _


	7. Chapter 7

A/N I m really sorry again that uptading coming so late. But my school started and I simply forgot, for now I will try my best to keep this on time :) And I m really happy that so many peopol are reading my fic, I really appreciate it!

''Well, I need to go visit Kasuka, and inform him that I will stay here for awhile'', Shizuo said and got up from the couch. Izaya turned to loo kat the leaving blond.

''You are one hell of a mystery, Shizuo-chan'', raven muttered, after Shizuo had shut the door. Izaya stretched his arms, and got up from the chair. He wandered to his bedroom.

He slump in to his bed, and curled to hug his knees.

_'What is Shizuo trying to pull..Suddenly changing his mind about me.._

_Maybe pity? Definitely pity, why else whould he do something to help..', _Izaya sighed, and felt sudden sleepiness, he slowly fell asleep.

''Shizuo, did you hit your head or something? '', Kasuka said looking concerned about his brothers behaviour. There was obviously something wrong with the blond, if he was willingly going to sleep and live under the same roof as Orihara Izaya.

''Well, I changed my mind about him..'', Shizuo tried to explain his sudden change of mind to Kasuka. He awkwardly scratched back of his head.

''I have seen new sides of him, I have seen his human side..'', blond continuet.

Kasuka was looking at him not believing what he was hearing.

''Human side? Where was his human side when he lead those gangs after you?'', brunette said angrily. ''you sound like your in love with him or something!''.

Shizuo blushed slightly. ''I m kinda friends with him..'', Blond said.

''With Izaya? pff, he is like a demon'', Kasuka muttered, slightly amused.

''Don't call him that!'', Shizuo barked, leaving brunet to silent.

''Why can't you understand? We were teens when we had those awful fights! And I have done some bad things to him as well! Izaya isn't the only one to be blamed''.

''What ever, but remeber this when you come back, after realizing that his awful, that I told you so!'', Kasuka said calmly, and got up. ''it better if you leave now''.

''Why are you acting so cold? I m still you brother'', Shizuo said and got up too.

''I don't know how Izaya brain washed you, but when I find out..he will get what he deserves'', brunette said walking at the same time towards to the door .

''tche, I didn't remember that you can be such a douchebag sometimes!'', blond said, and walked out of the apparment.

'Maybe it seems like I have been brainwashed..', Shizuo though and waited for the lighst to change green. 'I have hated him fro many years..and he have hated me'.

'Maybe this is a good thing, getting good terms with him', Shizuo smiled slightly.

He made his way to Izaya's apparment very slowly, he was thingking all the things from the past till this day. It was kinda funny how they had been arcenemies almost 5 years now, and suddenly all that hate was gone, well alost all the hate. Of course there was still things that should be discussed, but nothing really important.

When Shizuo came to the front door. He realised that he didn't have the key to ravens home. Blond though for a while, before he buzzed the door bell .

After several minutes, Izaya finally came to open the door. He looked sleepy, he yawned loudly.

''Well morning to you too'', Shizuo said amused of raven appearance.

Izaya's hair sticking out, his clother were ruffled and his red eyes were halfly closen.

''Are you coming or not?'', Izaya muttered annoyed of Shizuos amusement.

''yeah, yeah'', Blond said and closed the door.

Izaya jumped to the couch, and leaned his head against pillows.

''You shouldnt be sleeping yet'', blond said and sat to the couch too. He glanced to look at the clock. It was little past seven.

''your not my mom-'', Izaya snarled. But when he noticed what he had said, he fell quiet.

Shizuo understood why Izaya was quiet. Even he didn't know what had happened to his mother, he still understood the others pain.

After a while of silent, Izaya suddenly spoke.

''Well, how did Kasuka take it?'', raven asked and glanced to Shizuo.

''His furious, he thinks you have brainwashed me or something'', blond sighed.

Izaya laughed softly. ''maybe I have?''.

Shizuo smirked.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hey again. I m really sorry **AGAIN** for being late..

But, I want to _thank you_ for all the followers, and favers and rewievers ^^

* * *

.

.**tap tap tap ..tap tap tap tap tap tap!**

_'_What is that annoying voice...?'', Shizuo though when he slowly woke up from his sleep.

He wrinkled his eyes brows as he slowly oppened his eyes.

He got up where he was. 'Oh right at Izaya's apparment'.

He turned to look around the room; he saw Izaya typing quickly at his computer.

''ooy, Izaya how long have you been up?'', Shizuo grumbled, trying to rub the sleepiness from his eyes. Izaya turned to look at Shizuo amuzed.

''Since 3 am, I need to work, and don't you have work too? '', raven said and pointed at the clock. it was little past ten.

Shizuo pailed. 'Oh shit', he though and got up. ''I need to go! See ya'h later!''. Shizuo barked out of the aparment.

Izaya laughed quietly . 'See you later? I never imagined that he would say that to me'.

* * *

There was sudden knock at the door. Raven got up, and walked lazily to the door.

He looked through the door eye , he froze when he saw who was stading there.

No other than Shirou Orihara.

Izaya backed off slowly. His heart hammering against his ribs.

''heey Izaya are you home? '', Man shouted outside of the door.

Raven stood there in silent, trying to make no sound of his existence.

After several minutes of silent, his father left.

Izaya breathed in relief, and fell to his knees.

'I m fine, I m safe, _safe_..', he told to himself at mantra.

He got up from the floor, feeling his legs shake under him.

He slowly made his way to couch. He curled against the cold letter cushions.

'His not here, I m not a child anymore, his not _here'. _

He took his flipblade out of his pocket.

He stared at the shining blade.

Raven pulled his sleeve up, revealing his white skin, were was still healing red cuts of last time. He raised the blade against his skin, with shaking hands. He pressed the tip of the blade against his sking. 'I need this, I need pain..I deserve this', he though pressing harder, making some blood rise up.

When Izaya saw the blood, he felt urge to cut even more. He was about to, but then he realised what he was doing. Like he was waken from a trance, he trow the knife to other side of the room. 'no, no I don't need this, I m not going back to that', he told to himself, trying to make himself calmdown.

''Damn, I m fucked up'', he wishpered, pained smile on his face, tears running freely from his eyes. ''I m clad Shizuo is at work''.

* * *

..

Izaya hadn't even noticed that he had fell asleep. He got up from the couch, feeling slight headache. 'damn..I hate crying', he though, he made his way to his computer.

He looked through his emails.

There was one from Shinra.

'_Hey Izaya, have your father made any contact with you ? _

_And is everything allrig-_

**Delete.**

Izaya sighed in irritation. He hated when Shinra was like that. **worried.**

It made him feel...weak. Weak and vulnerable, like he would break from touch.

'_well..I kinda did that today..', _Izaya though, he felt angry with himself, sighing in frustration.

* * *

.

The sound of door bell woke him up from his thoughs.

Izaya walked silently to the door, holding his breath he looked through the door eye.

Raven sighed in relief when he saw the familiar blond stading behind his door.

He oppened the door, welcomign Shizuo in.

''Well, you are back soon Shizuo'', Izaya says, and closed the door.

''Lunch break'', Shizuo muttered, he walked over the kitchen.

''ooh, and you want to be with me?'', raven said teasingly.

Shizuo blushed slightly. ''well I bet you haven't eaten anything? ''.

''I have!'', Izaya said, at same time his tummy decided to protest and prove him wrong.

''Really?'', Shizuo said rasing eyebrow.

''well...What will we eat?'', Izaya said changing the topic.

''Some instant noodles and chicken?'', Shizuo asked, and turned to look at the raven.

''yeah, okay'', Izaya says, and goes to sit to the table.

''what? you're not gonna help?'', blond asked looking slightly pissed.

''I m really bad at cooking; I once even managed to burn half of the kitchen'', Izaya said looking serious. ''you're joking?'', Shizuo tried, but Izaya looked dead serious.

''okay, we don't want that happening'', blond muttered.

Izaya watched in silent, as Shizuo made the food.

'he kinda looks cute while cooking..what?! Cute. no. no.', Izaya shook himself from his thoughs. '**nope**'.

* * *

..

''Will you set the table?'', blond asked, while mixing the chicken sauce.

Izaya got up and searched the plates, forks and glasses.

He placed them neatly to the table.

Shizuo split the food to the plates, and waved Izaya to sit down.

''well,bon appetite'', blond said and laughed.

* * *

..


	9. Chapter 9

When Izaya ate the first forkful, he looked amazed.

''Shizuo..'', Izaya muttered silently, blond jerked to look at Izaya.

''..Is there something wrong with the food? '', Shizuo sounded worried.

''you're amazing'', Raven said smiling.

''what? '', Shizuo said suprised.

''You're really good cook!'', Raven said and continuet eating.

Shiozuo blushed at Izaya's sudden praise. ''well umm thank you''.

''well, I need to go back to work'', Shizuo said and waved to Izaya.

''okay, oh and take the spare key!'', raven said, and throw the silver key to blond.

''O-Okay!'', Shizuo muttered, he placed the key to his pocket.

Shizuo closed the door behind him, slowly he walked down the stairs.

'Spare key to Izaya's apparment..it sounds like we are dating or something..', Shizuo though.

'well he isn't bad, his kinda cute-NO..NO no no!', Shizuo mentally kicked himself.

He took cigarette of his pocket and lit it.

'no way'.

Izaya sat down to do his work, when his phone ringed.

''Moshi Moshi?'', Izaya answered.

''_Hello Orihara-san'', _rough voice said from the line.

''Oh, Shiki-sama, how can I help you?'',Raven said and walked across the room.

''_I want information of a drug dealer, he has recently returned from prison, and there's some unfinished bussines'', _Shiki said with low voice.

''And what's his name? '', Izaya asked, he felt worry rise at Shiki's words.

**''**_**Orihara Shirou''.**_

_Yeah A cliff hanger, sorry : D I will uptade the next chapter soon! Promise! _


	10. Chapter 10

_**Thump**__, __**thump, thump**_

Izaya's heart hit against his ribs, he felt the phone slip from his hand, leaving Shiki un answered. The phone crashed to the ground, all the parts spread across the floor.

Raven took deep breaths trying to slow down his rasing heart.

He took hold of the table, he felt breathing getting harder at everybreath.

He felt the panic arise, as he tried helplessy take steady breaths. He felt his fingertips going numb, as he crashed to the floor.

'_can't breath...can't breath...can't breath', _was only though running thorugh his head.

'I have to call Shinra', Izaya though trying to breath slowly. Trying to make the panic go away. But then remembered that his phone was at pieces beside him.

'Izaya, try to think calmy; nothing is going to hurt you, his not going to hurt you..', he tried to calm himself down hopelessy.

Then as a answer from the god, there was sound of door opening, and key's tinkle.

''Heey, Izaya I just forgot my phone here'', Shizuo shouted to the living room.

''S-shizuo!'', Izaya tried to shout. 'damn, I m weak'.

Blond walked to the living room, to look for raven. He hadn't heard his 'shout'.

''Sh-shizuo, help..'', raven tried again, feeling slightly lightheaded. 'it's this or nothing'.

Shizuo's eyes shot to the direction of the voice, he walked quickly to the other side of the table. He looked worriedly at the panting flea.

''What's wrong?'', Shizuo asked immidiently, and kneeled beside raven.

''..c..an't..breath'', Izaya said and squeezed Shizuo shirt.

''wait a second! '', Shizuo said and ran to the kitchen.

'Shinra explained me this once, it's called hyperventilation...or something!', Shizuo though, abd went through the drawers. Until he finally found some paperbag.

.-.-

''Izaya, breath in to this'', Shizuo said, and hands over the paperbag.

Raven didn't protest, he started to breath to the bag. Few minutes passed, until Izaya got his breath under control.

Izaya sat at the sofa, and sipped some cold water Shizuo had bring him.

Blond stood few meters away from Izaya, staring at raven, hoping for somekind of explanation. But the sound of the clock was the only sound in the room.

''What happened?'', Shizuo asked, breaking the silent.

''Nothing'', raven said looking at the ground.

''Nothing dosen't give you panic attack!'', blond snarled.

''Well it none of your business!'', raven and got up, from the sofa. izaya didn't feel like explaining the stupid phone call from Shiki.

''It is! I helped you, so I wish you could tell me why it happened!'', Shizuo said raising his voice, word by word.

''You could have left me here alone! '', Izaya said rasing his voice also.

''you asked for **help**, SO I gave it to you! and this is the thanks?!'', blond and stepped closer to Izaya.

''Well thanks alot Shizu-CHAN!'', Izaya snapped.

''you are so ungreatful and selfis.. no wonder some people call you monster!'', Shizuo said, and regret his wors immidiently. Izaya's eyes widened at Shizuo's words.

''I m sorry I didn't meant th-'', blonds explanation was stoped by Izaya's punch.

Shizuo stepped back few steps.

He raised his head to look at Izaya.

Izaya face was mixture of shame, pain and betrayal. Shizuo felt sudden pain at his chest.

'I caused this', he though helplessy.

Before he got his words out, Izaya sprinted out of the apparment, leaving Shizuo yell after him.


	11. Chapter 11

Izaya ran through the streets, he felt his muscles burn in agony at every step he took. But he couldn't make himself stop.

'I m full of this, I don't care anymore', Izaya though.

He felt guilty about making Shizuo mad, but he was more hurt of Shizuo's words. He had just started to trust him; and then he tell's him exact same words his father has repeating to him many years.

''Izaya? '', There was a sudden voice calling him.

Izaya stopped running, and turned around.

Shinra was standing there, looking concerned of his friend.

''Izaya are you allrigth?'', Shinra asked and stepped closer.

Izaya felt tears burn his eyes, he shook his head.

'no, I m not allright', Izaya though helplessy.

Shinra sighed in sympathy, and walked over to the raven.

''hey, you can stay with me and Celty'', Shinra said and pulled Izaya to a hug.

Shinra was sitting at the sofa, with Celty when suddenly his phone ringed.

''moshi moshi?'', Shinra said lazily to the phone.

''_**Hey Shinra! Have you heard anything about Izaya?!'', **_Shizuo said with worried voice. He had spent the howl day searching for Izaya, but with no result.

''Yeah, his here'', Shinra said, he was little surprised of the blonds concerned voice.

_**''I'll come right away there, I need to talk to him!'', **_Shizuo said hurriedly, he started to walk faster, towards to Shinra's apparment.

''I don't if that's a good Idea, he has just fall asleep..And whatever you said; hurt him, really badly'', doctor said.

_**''I want to apology to him! I'll come there as soon as I can!''. **_

Shizuo was now standing outside of Shinra's door.

He knocked nervously the door.

Celty came to oppen the door, Shizuo walked past her, to the living room.

''Where is he? '', blond asked quickly.

''His at the quest room, bu-'', before Shinra had ended his sentence, Shizuo had already rushed to the questroom. Shinra tried to go after him, but Celty stopped him.

''**They need to talk'', **She typed quickly.

Shinra sighed , and smiled. ''Well, if you think so..''.

''Izaya?'', Shizuo said silently, as he stepped to the room, he saw Izaya curled up at the bed.

Raven moved slightly, he oppened his eyes slowly. ''Shinra? ''.

''No, it's Shizuo'', blond said and saw Izaya tense up.

''What are you doing here?'', raven asked coldly, didn't even raise his eyes to look at Shizuo.

''I want to apology, I m really sorry..'', blond hesitated, and looked at Izaya, trying to get some kind of reaction.

''Shizu-chan, no reason to apology..you were only stating the truth..I am a monster..'', Izaya said, like it was a obvious thing.

''No, you are not a mons-'', Shizuo sentence was cutted of by door slamming shut loudly.

Blond went to the door and tried to open it. It was locked.

''We won't let you go until you have talked! '', Shinra said from other side of the door.

Shizuo turned to look at Izaya. He looked defeated.


	12. Chapter 12

They sat at the room quietly. They both though what to say.

''I m sorry I made you mad...'', raven muttered, looking at the floor.

''no I m sorry...'', Shizuo said silently.

''you know, my father died when I was nine years old, after that I started to get aggressive'', Shizuo started and glanced at Izaya. Raven was now staring at him.

''Big part of the kids my age, were scared of me.. If someone said or did something bad to me, or Kasuka I would beat them...'', Shizuo said smirking bitterly. ''When I saw you running away, I felt like I had chaced another person out of my life..''

''This is first time I run after'', Shizuo said smirking to Izaya.

''Dad used to do that too...'', Izaya said suddenly with small voice. He breathed slowly, he needed to tell this to Shizuo. He deserves to know.

''If I did something bad, he would hit me, and say something hurtful..''.

Shizuo froze. 'So this is why he hates him'.

''He called me m..monster many times...That's why...'', raven murmured.

''I m sorry Izaya, I m really sorry..'', Shizuo said and looked at raven.

''When you called me monster, I felt like I was still stuck at my childhood, alone and trapped..'', Izaya spoke quietly.

Shizuo moved closer, and closed Izaya to a hug.

''You are here, and safe..'', Shizuo murmured.

''yeah, trapped to your hug'', Izaya said laughingn a bit.

Shizuo tried to move from the hug, but Izaya hugged him.

''Please, just a moment..like this..'', raven said, feeling really embarrassed.

''okay'', blond said and hugged Izaya tighter.

They sat there, hugging each other, there was only sound of the clock ticking.

''I haven't asked the day's question yet'', Shizuo suddenly said.

''oh, go ahead then'', Izaya said, not making any kinda of movement of letting go of the blond.

''hmm, Do you fear dark? '', Shizuo asked, and felt Izaya tense up slightly.

''yess...'', Izaya muttere, he hugged blond tighter, trying to disspear to his chest.

''Okay, I just asked because, now I know I need to leave some light on at the living room'', Shizuo said. Izaya felt better, first he though that Shizuo would mock him about his childish fear.


End file.
